Time to quit sugar?

eating healthy

 

You’ve probably spent a decent chunk of time combing through instagram, looking for the next flab busting quick fix. My friend, you are in luck. Facebook and instagram users dish out all the latest advice on what new products you need to slim down and live the life of your dreams. Most of which the government doesn’t want you to know. It’s likely that you’ve come across the deathly substance that is used as a chemical weapon against us. That’s right, sugar.

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By now you should have gone through a few hundred dollars worth of teatox tea. It has removed the contents of your digestive tract, now it’s time to treat your body like a temple. A sugar free temple, that is. A lack of vital nutrients being supplied to your body due to the laxative nature of the tea, means you will be in a somewhat delusional state. Congratulations, you are now primed for becoming one of our brainwashed lemmings. Social media has shown you the wonders of this low carb ideology, convincing you that carbs are the sole cause of our weight gain and suffering. Eliminate all carbs immediately and purchase the bible (aka ebook) “sugar and carbs are worse than hitler”. This will clarify what you are to preach and live by. Because the world really needs more saviours to warn of the chemicals and toxins in every molecule of our food. People in third world and war torn countries, plagued with disease, fear, and lack of clean drinking water will rejoice when they discover that they just need to avoid sugar and eat only organic gluten free products to cure all problems.

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The lack of glucose will deprive you of energy, and sometimes the will to live. But that’s because “Big Sugar” had you trapped in the dark side for too long. To save yourself you must rid your life of all sugar, carbs, artificial and processed foods. Instead choose only organic, grass fed, gluten free, chemical and toxin free foods. This will ensure total detoxification and purification, allowing you to talk condescendingly anyone, especially credible experts who have qualifications and years of experience working in the field of health and nutrition.

Playing on your fear and insecurities, you will be promised to be part of some revolutionary movement where the world will come to its sense and prove you were right all along. You will be assigned several hashtags such as #cleaneating #iquitsugar and #sugarispoison to attach to your dogmatic and unsubstantiated claims posted online. Sugar is the root of all evil, obviously the government has been lying to you. They should have banned sugar in all its forms long ago, but they there population to be fat and sick so they allow the slow and painful deaths of a civilisation.

By quitting sugar and joining the crusade to end the tyrannic reign of the sugar overlords, you will totally have a hot topic to gossip about at brunch with the gals next week. You can tell them how you don’t even eat anything toxic anymore. Emphasize that you are better than them, based on your diet choices. Attempt to convert them to this no sugar lifestyle. If they declined based on lack of credible evidence, scoff at their stupidity and report back to your internet clan to bitch about them online.

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Anyone with facts that suggest there is no reason to give up sugar or carbs, is definitely part of the conspiracy to keep you eating sugar. You must throw bacon grease at them and pray they see the error in their ways. If you even entertain the idea that sugar may not be the root of all human suffering, you will be blocked/deleted/banned from all low carb and anti sugar communities both online and offline. A moderate approach does not sell products. By being an unbeliever you will jeopardise the very foundations of the anti sugar, anti carb campaign. That would be VERY bad for book sales and attached revenue streams. Continue to agree with the contents of your “sugar and carbs are worse than hitler” bible and you will reap the rewards. Don’t delay, sugar killed my father, and raped my mother.

Your white people problems must be solved. False cures to save you from the evil you didn’t know existed before social media are all you have. Quit sugar today and purchase a copy of my new ebook “sugar and carbs are worse than hitler”. No one is safe. Hide your kids. Hide your wife.

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